Homeland Security Decides Tropical Fruit More Important Than Preventing Chaos in Sanctuary Airport Customs

In yet another remarkable maneuver of bureaucratic brilliance, Homeland Security Secretary Markwayne Mullin has proposed a visionary plan to extract customs officers from sanctuary city airports—a move sure to evoke tender feelings of anarchy and pandemonium in equal measure. Business leaders, known for their restraint and appreciation of upheaval, have expressed their unequivocal consternation.

'It's a bold strategy, Cotton, let's see how it works out for them,' murmured one stunned airport executive clutching a tumbler of something legally ambiguous.

Under Mullin’s inspired proposal, airport customs officers—those steadfast beings who ruthlessly prevent avocados and endangered orchids from laying waste to our fair nation—would be recalled, theoretically reallocating their talents to oversee potential fruit invasions elsewhere. 'We need to prioritize,' Mullin stated, adjusting his overly patriotic tie, 'and fruit had its day.'

Observers speculate this could result in minor inconveniences such as unscreened international travelers entering with unchecked enthusiasm, exponentially boosting the local Eiffel Tower keychain black market. Nevertheless, the Secretary insists that sanctuary airports, without pesky customs officers, will quickly become emblems of global laissez-faire.

Meanwhile, travelers currently enjoy filling out customs declarations detailing elaborate Swiss chocolate smuggling operations at airport cafes nationwide. Yet without trained personnel to assess whether these endeavors pose serious threats to national security, freedom-loving tourists can likely expect a future sans spontaneous fibbing on official documents.

In conclusion, we appear poised to embark on a new era of airport improv, where chaos reigns supreme, and our fruity nemeses tremble.